


Red Nails

by EdelgardvonHresvelg



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/F, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, caspar is clueless, post timeskip btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 11:35:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20357815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdelgardvonHresvelg/pseuds/EdelgardvonHresvelg
Summary: Caspar asks Dorothea about the way she keeps her fingernails.





	Red Nails

Dinner that day was vegetable stir-fry. Caspar sat opposite Dorothea and Petra in the dining hall, prodding at his untouched dinner with a fork. It wasn’t his favorite meal by any means, but the girls parallel to him were certainly enjoying their meal, amongst other things.

Lately, Dorothea and Petra had become quite close. More so than usual, anyway. Previously, the two had been close enough to be seen chatting to each other and hanging out every now and again, but now it was as though they were glued together. Never one without the other, and today was no exception. Today, Dorothea had brought her nail painting set with her to dinner, and though the two of them were nearly finished with their meal, they had stopped partway through to take a break to do… well, whatever girls did with their nails. Caspar wasn’t even sure. If only Linhardt hadn’t fallen asleep next to him, then perhaps he would have more to do than listen to their conversation.

“I’m thinking red matches my dress, but green matches my eyes. What do you think, Petra?” Dorothea was asking the other girl, showing off her still unpainted nails.

“I have much interest in your eyes, but I am thinking red is the correct choice,” Petra concluded. 

“Red it is, then!” the songstress decided. She unscrewed a bottle of bright red nail paint and began to test the waters by dipping the very tip of the brush in the paint and lightly swiping it over one of her nails. “Ooh. This color really  _ does _ suit me! You always know best, Petra.”

Petra giggled. “You have much kindness, Dorothea!” 

Caspar’s bored eyes wandered towards the two girl friends. Dorothea was slowly painting her nails with the fresh paint, while Petra was watching closely and making commentary about the way the people of Brigid painted their nails. Most of the information went over the boy’s head completely, as he was only half listening and hardly interested in the first place. Girls could be so weird, he thought to himself. 

“Annnd, done!” Dorothea declared. “What do you think, Petra?”

The foreign princess eyeballed Dorothea’s work before she nodded enthusiastically. “I am liking that greatly!” she complimented. “Red is a color that… erm… suits you greatly, I am thinking.”

“Aww, you’re  _ too _ adorable, Petra!” Dorothea gushed. “I could just eat you up! But not before we finish doing  _ your _ nails. But that begs the question… what color suits you, Petra?”

Petra did not immediately answer. “Hm… I am thinking that many colors suit me. My hair is purple, but I am also wearing clothes of many colors. In Brigid, our clothing is always of many colors. I am wondering if maybe I could be trying the same color that you are using,” she suggested. 

“Red? Hm… It’s possible, but…” Dorothea’s wandering eyes caught sight of the boy in front of her. “Aha! Caspar. What do you think?”

Caspar was taken aback by his sudden forced entrance into the conversation. “Huh? What do I think of what?” he questioned, befuddled. What could Dorothea possibly gain by asking him about fashion?

“Do you think this color would suit Petra as well?” she asked. She held the back of her hands out, fingers outstretched the still drying polish glimmering upon her nails. It was a striking shade of red not dissimilar to the color of her dress, but leaning a bit more towards the cranberry purple side. Caspar cocked his head to the side. While Dorothea’s middle and index fingers were firmly cut upon her right hand, the other nails were left still pointy and filed into a sharp tip, not unlike the claws of a cat. Never mind the choice of color, that sort of fashion choice was peculiar to the boy. 

“Uh… the color is fine, I guess, but uhh… Dorothea? Did you forget to cut most of your nails?” Caspar had to ask. The lack of symmetry was bothering him, and he certainly hadn’t seen that style before. “Or is there a reason why you only have two of your nails cut like that?”

Dorothea simply stared at him for about half a second, before bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. She doubled over in her hysterical fit and collapsed into giggles upon Petra’s shoulder. The foreign princess appeared flummoxed, clearly not understanding the joke. Caspar himself wasn’t even sure what to make of the sudden outburst… all he had done was ask a simple question. Was he really that clueless?

“I do not have understanding…” Petra uttered. 

After taking a deep breath and wiping away a tear that had formed in her eye, Dorothea finally spoke again. “First of all, Caspar,  _ these _ ,” she explained as she twiddled her pointy fingers, “are fake nails. Real nails don’t grow like that!”

Well then, that made sense. Those fingernails were more akin to the blades upon his gauntlet rather than the nails of a human being, after all. He had no idea why anyone would  _ want _ fake nails in the first place, but he decided to just right that off as another part of girls that he would never hope to understand. Maybe they provided some sort of battle advantage or something. “Oooookay, sure. That doesn’t explain why you’re wearing fake nails on all of your nails except those two,” Caspar pointed out. 

“Oh, you sweet innocent boy,” Dorothea replied with mock sorrow. “I almost feel sorry for you.”

Caspar certainly didn’t enjoy the teasing. Dorothea was always so keen on treating him like a child, even though she was barely much older than he was! First trying to get him to call her big sister, and now this? “Hey! I am  _ not _ a sweet, innocent boy. I’m basically the same age as you! We’re all adults!” he argued back. “I’m just saying that it doesn’t make sense! What if you needed to claw your opponent, but you only had three nails instead of five?”

Petra looked between the two, still not exactly catching onto the conversation.

“Well now, I don’t want to go hurting my precious Petra now, do I?” Dorothea answered, tapping the still perplexed Petra’s cheek with one of her sharper nails. 

“Hurting her? Isn’t that the big idea?” Caspar mentioned. Sure, mock battles weren’t supposed to be intense, but it was quick enough to patch someone up after a sparring session. “You want to do as much damage to your partner as possible.”

“Oh Caspar… This is why you’re still single,” lamented Dorothea, though she still wore that expression of fake pity. “It would hurt a lot to be scratching Petra up like that. It’s meant to make her feel good, you know? She wouldn’t want to sleep over with me anymore if I used such long nails.”

Petra’s eyes lit up as though she had just realized something. “Ah!” she proclaimed, her cheeks flushing a bright red. “Dorothea! You should not be telling him such things…!”

“Oh my darling, he has to learn eventually,” Dorothea told the other girl. Her fingers began to play with a loose lock of Petra’s hair that fell from her ponytail and onto the front of her shoulders. “Caspar can’t stay innocent forever.”

At this point, the man was getting annoyed. He had far enough of this teasing, thank you very much! He stood up from his seat in frustration and slammed his palms upon the table. “I don’t get it, okay!?” he shouted, which very well may have alerted everyone else in the dining hall. “I know that it’s funny to mess with me, but I’m not a child! You keep treating me like I’m your little brother or something! Just spell it out to me, okay?!”

Dorothea shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m just saying it wouldn’t be comfortable at all for me to put sharp nails up Petra’s vagi—”

“—DOROTHEA!” Petra interrupted hurriedly, her cheeks nearly a darker color than the mark painted under her eye. If people weren’t listening before, they certainly were now. Even Linhardt had begun to awaken, though his eyes were still hazed over with sleep and Caspar couldn’t quite be certain if he was even conscious. 

“What!? It’s hardly comfortable to have sharp nails up there. The point is to  _ stimulate _ you, not to slice you open!” Dorothea continued onwards, despite her friend’s protests. “Caspar said he wanted the truth, so there’s no reason to cut around corners.”

“But! Such a thing is most private!” the foreign princess protested.

Despite everything, the Bergliez boy now had even more questions than answers. He was growing increasingly frustrated by all the interruptions and the unwillingness for either of the two girls to give him an honest to god direct answer. “Please just tell me,” he begged, exasperated. He would not be a source of mockery anymore. “I’m an adult, I can take it.” He really hadn’t thought the talk of fingernails would bring up this much discourse. It was like he was peering into a world far separated from his own, a world full of clothing and make-up and whatever else the women of the monastery enjoyed talking about.

“Okay then, Caspar! If you really insist,” giggled Dorothea, a mischievous glimmer in her eye. “Like I said before, the insides of a woman are very delicate. Even the slightest touch can bring pain or pleasure. Though I do enjoy looking fashionable, well, I can’t exactly use long, sharp nails to finger Petra. She’d get all cut up! It wouldn’t be pleasurable for her anyone.” Petra buried her very flustered face into Dorothea’s bare shoulder as the songstress continued up, unable to look at Caspar in the eye. “I have to be nice and gentle with her! Well, not too gentle, of course. We both like it rather rough.”

When Caspar finally processed Dorothea’s words, his mouth hung open from his jaw. He couldn’t even figure out how to reply, other than with a panicked blush and an expression of shock. 

“Maybe you’ll understand someday, Caspar, when you find someone you love. It would be like shoving one of the nails of your gauntlets up them… unpleasant,” the songstress kept talking, not even acknowledging how flustered he was. “But for now, I think you get it, right?”

That certainly was a lot for the man to process. “Wait, so… you and Petra are…” he squeaked out, his whole body feeling quite stiff. He began to make a lewd gesture with his hands, looping his thumb and index finger and inserting another finger in between the two. He was too embarrassed to say the actual word out loud and his cheeks were growing incredibly warm. 

Dorothea just grinned and wrapped an arm around the girl’s shoulders, pulling her towards her. 

“H...hey! Wait! Wait!!! That’s not...! You and Dorothea, you’re— For how long!? Wait, do you do it in your dorm room? Next to Linhardt? Don’t people hear—… uh…!?” He no longer could keep a hold of his mixed back of thoughts anymore. Instead, the sheer awkwardness of the situation was overtaking him. What he thought was an innocent question had quickly spiraled out of control until he had learned far more than he intended to about the lives of his two former classmates. The smug expression Dorothea’s face while she played with Petra’s hair was enough to cause the boy to turn the boy’s skin a crimson red all over. “—T...that’s! Is that even allowed!? How do you even… no… uhhhhhh… Ihavetogosomewhereelse!!!!”

With that pathetic excuse, Caspar stood upon his seat and leapt off, scurrying out of the dining hall, but not before slamming into a rather confused Ferdinand and knocking over a tray of fresh vegetable stir fry. He shouted a quick apology and darted away towards his room, where he would have  _ much _ to think about with this new information.

“Did… did you really have to be telling him everything?” stuttered Petra, her face still partially buried into her lover’s shoulder.

Dorothea shrugged. “It’s too much fun to mess with him! And besides, that’s only a small portion of the fun we’re having together. Wait until I tell him about our other activities…” she teased.

“Please do not be telling him anymore!!!” Petra protested. 

From across the table, Linhardt peaked his eye open and sighed. If only the two of them weren’t so damn  _ loud _ at night, then maybe he could actually get some sleep and wouldn’t have to use the dining hall as a replacement. He placed his head back upon the table and closed his eyes, allowing slumber to claim him once more. Caspar got his just desserts for inquiring so deeply. 

How troublesome.

**Author's Note:**

> ok i wasnt gonna write until i was ready for the new semester but like i was talking with some friends and this stupid idea popped into my mind and i couldnt settle until i fucking wrote it trfyguhiji
> 
> im gonna write that edelgard/byleth smut soon enough but take this for now and thanks for reading this


End file.
